A Hoggy Worty Halloween
by Snape-ette
Summary: Under the innane demands of Dumbledore Hermione and Severus are forced to work togther, and plan the Halloween Fair. Hmmm...I wonder what could happen? Warning: This story is rated R for a reason. Review!
1. The very boring meeting

Disclaimer-I don't own a thing

Note-I'm going to be shifting characters very quickly I hope I don't confuse you.

Hermione sighed and tried to focus on the meeting- the dratted, horrid, evil, meeting.

The sounds coming from the window in the teachers lounge were doing nothing to improve her mood. She looked despairingly out of the window for the umpteenth time just to see happy faces everywhere dotted along the grounds while she was subjected to this misery. It was October 5th and already Dumbledore was planning the Halloween festivities saying that cense Halloween was the most important Holiday, save Christmas, it should be treated as such. As head girl she was required to attend. 'Hmm I wonder why it's his favorite holiday,' Hermione's inner voice smirked, 'I'm **_sure_** it has absolutely **_nothing_** to do with his little candy fetish'.

It was less common knowledge that every year Dumbledore would perform multiple Glamour charms on himself, making him look years younger, sneak down to muggle London and Trick-or-treat himself. And now Hermione was stuck with current head boy, Malfoy, the prefects, teachers, and resident sugar addict, Dumbledore discussing rubbish and wasting time better spent studying.

"So Miss. Granger what do you think?" someone said, rudely interrupting her angry stupor. Ahhh…Professor Snape. Bastard was probably hoping to catch her off guard and embarrass her in front of the school's teachers and the prefects. Hermione's mind worked fast trying to find something to say. Bingo! "Oh, before that, how about a recap so if to explain things more clearly to those who don't understand." Touché you evil bastard.

Snape scowled not liking to be out-smarted, especially by know-it-all Gryffindors.

Dumbledore smiled his creeping all-knowing smile.

"We were merely discussing whether we should decorate the hall with black and orange banners or if we were to go with the more Victorian look." "Well, I certainly think a more realistic, authentic look would be better." Said Hermione determined to prove to Snape that she had been listening and he just hadn't noticed because he was a big, greasy, daft, bat. "Also, I think contests would be fun. Like a best costume contest where the students get to vote. And karaoke too and staff are required to participate."

"Ohhhh, Hermione I love it! Brilliant!" Dumbledore squealed. Yes Dumbledore. The greatest wizard in the world, squealed. 'Who are these people' Hermione dazedly wondered, 'And why do I associate with them.'


	2. No karaoke!

"I object!" Severus cried indignantly, standing up fiercely from his chair. "I will not participate in this madness! I will not sing karaoke!" "What's karaoke?" McGonagall asked, confused. Severus looked around the room, few people in the room looked like they knew what karaoke was, but those who did looked petrified.

'As they should be!' thought Severus angrily. "Karaoke," he began, "is when you sing the lyrics to a popular song in front of lots of people." "What?" screeched McGonagall. An uproar of screeching and a demanding of answers ensued. Dumbledore stood and silenced the room "That is quite enough! We are having karaoke and that's final.

But to be fair, I am not requiring the staff to participate." The teachers slouched into their chairs in relief. "I also like the idea of a costume contest. I think that it is also very difficult to have so many trying to plan this Halloween Fair. Remember the saying 'Too many cooks in the kitchen burn the food', well I think it applies here. I think it would be best for either the Head Boy or Girl, with the guidance of a professor of course, to plan this celebration. So who shall it be? Hermione? Draco?"

Draco snored on the table peacefully, the earlier racket not having woken him up.

Hermione looked around nervously. "Ah Hermione…How about you?" 'Shit!' thought Hermione. She couldn't turn the Headmaster down, now that he had asked her directly. "Uhh…well...Sure. I guess…" "Splendid! Now all we need is a teacher." The teachers shifted nervously. Dumbledore surveyed them viscously, like a lion about to jump it's prey. His eyes roamed over them all, making each quiver with fright when his eyes landed on them. "Ah Severus. You should be perfect."

The teacher's (save Severus') hearts leaped in happiness.

Severus felt his heart jump to his throat. "But Sir, I have a potion to attend to-" "Surly it can wait a while. It can, can't it?" Asked Dumbledore daring Severus to say anything else. "It-It can Sir." Said Severus in defeat.

Hermione almost cried. More time with Snape? What could she have done to deserve such horrible karma?

Although Snape put her down, and humiliated her in front of many people, it wasn't the worst part. Hermione had secretly harbored an infatuation with the Professor since third year, when he had attempted to save them from Lupin, which made his cutting remarks all the more painful.

When around him she felt naked, exposed, like there wasn't a secret she could hide from him. Like he knew it all.

He made her feel terribly frightened, and vulnerable. 'Maybe I'm a masochist.' She thought dryly. She shouldn't be attracted to someone who put her down and made fun of her, she knew that. But still she kept watching him, attracted, and intrigued.

He wasn't an overly ugly man; now that she thought about it. His nose was large, but it works on his face.

His eyes, now that she looked at them, were very large and round as, though he had grown up in the dark. 'He probably did.' She reasoned. She looked deeper into his eyes; they were blue!

Not the black she had long thought them to be. They were a dark navy blue, on the verge of being black, but not quite. His cheekbones were very high, creating deep hollows in his pale cheeks.

He had long, thick, black eyelashes that cast shadows on his cheeks. She surveyed his body. 'Long, and lean' she concluded 'perhaps a bit too lean.' She thought looking at the way his robes hung loosely on his thin frame.

'Very little muscle, he must not eat very much protein. Well, course, you dimwit, he barely eats at all!' She chastised herself for her stupidity, remembering how during the few times he came to meals; he had only a small salad or bowl of soup before rushing back down to his dungeons. "Have a good weekend everybody!" cried Dumbledore.

Hermione jumped. She hadn't even noticed the meeting ending. Her eyes went from Dumbledore back to Snape. She nearly jumped again, he was staring right back at her. 'Well of course, he of all people should feel it when someone is staring at them.' She flushed lightly, feeling her whole body going hot. She looked down and stood from her chair, her legs feeling tingly when the blood rushed back to them after sitting for so long. She quickly gathered up her books and scurried out of the room, eyes on the floor. She still felt Snape's eyes on her as she left the room. 'Strange' thought Snape interestedly.


	3. A Letter

Squeal! I'm so happy people reviewed, I shrieked like an idiot when I saw that I had reviewers.

Porcelain Prayer, The all mighty and powerful M, Toast, Daygonna, JIBJAB- Thank you very much!

The-amazing-color-brown- I'll make them longer, and thank you for reviewing.

Lollylover and Insipid.angst- Thank you, I'll be more careful and check for type-os and try to make this original .

Hermione had been sitting in the common room staring at a house plant for a full ten minutes before she realized she needed to do something before she went insane. She looked over at Harry and Ron, her sweet little boys. Her sweet little boys that caused mayhem and incredible chaos that shook the school's very foundation. Whatever they were up to, it couldn't be good. "What are you two doing? Scheming Malfoy's demise?" Ron looked shocked, and looked up from the notebook he and Harry were leaning over. "No! Well…not Malfoy's." Hermione sighed, got up snatched the book away, ignoring Ron and Harry protests. It read-

Ways to kill Snape

1.) Tie him to a pole in the Forbidden Forest and leave him there.

2.) Tell Hagrid he raped Hermione.

3.) Tell him McGonagall lusts after him, and let him kill himself.

The list went on and on. Hermione sighed lovingly. Yes, those were defiantly _her_ boys. So predictable. Then she remembered.

"Speaking of Snape," she said handing them back their list, "I have to plan the Halloween Fair with him." "What! Well, sucks to be you!" said Ron immaturely. Harry just shook his head, smiling slightly. "What? You think this amusing?" demanded Hermione angrily. "Oh nothing," replied Harry, now smirking "it just will probably be hard for you to be around him. What with your crush on him, it will probably be very uncomfortable for you." Hermione felt her face fill with heat. "I do not have a crush on him! I hate him!" "Then why are you blushing?" asked Harry smoothly. "I'm blushing because the very thought of that man disgusts me and makes me nauseas. And being nauseas makes me feverish which is why I'm blushing!" explained Hermione with gusto. Harry started giggling like an eight-year-old-girl. "Ha ha ha! You like Sna-ape! You like Sna-ape! You want to kiss him!" taunted Harry in a sing-song voice. Ron looked at Hermione jealousy swimming in his eyes. "I don't like him." said Hermione earnestly looking directly at Ron. Harry was still laughing like an idiot, "You want to _French_ kiss him!" Harry started making smoochy noises. "Your one to talk! At least I don't like my best friend's little sister!" That shut Harry up pretty fast. Ron's head snapped to Harry "You like Ginny!" demanded Ron mutinously. 'This looks like a good time to leave' thought Hermione racing up to her private dorm and locking her door. Smiling slightly at getting Harry in trouble with Ron, she walked to her bed and collapsed on it. She felt parchment on her cheek, and lifted her head. There was a letter on her pillow.

_Dear Hermione,_

_I hope you are well. Please meet with Professor Snape at 6:00 pm in the potions classroom to make the Fair arrangements. Please try to be nice._

_-Albus Dumbledore_

"Nooo!" moaned Hermione; she was not in the mood to deal with anyone, let alone Snape. She looked at the clock; 5:00. "Urrrgghh!" she groaned in a very un-ladylike sort of way. Ron was right! It does suck to be her!

**Severus-**

After the meeting Severus walked back to the dungeons, all the while thinking of the Granger girl. "Intriguing Girl." He spoke aloud. She was not all-together unattractive, he thought. Though the bushy hair, and insufferable attitude were a definite turn off.

'Poor girl, only 5'2" at most. It must be so hard trying to appear superior with the other girls towering over her.' Thought Severus amusedly. Approaching the potions classroom he saw that there was a note sticking out of the door jam. It was from Albus.

_Dear Severus,_

_You must meet with Hermione at 6:00in the potions classroom to make plans for the Halloween Fair. Please be nice to her, you know how sensitive girls her age are in regards to a males opinion of them. NO name-calling._

_-Albus_

Severus groaned exhaustedly. He was getting to old for this and this was saying something, seeing as how he was only 35 barely an adult by wizarding standards.


	4. Planning and awkward silences

Thank you, all of my darling reviewers. 

Livethroughtheater- Thank you very much. I hate people who tell me that Severus/Hermione is sick, and I'm glad that other people agree with me when I say Snapey rocks!

Lollylover- Thank you for your suggestions, I do appreciate them. I'm trying to make the chapters longer, but it's a bit hard. Like you'll write 5 pages on Word, and it will seem like enough, but then the chapter is really small. I'll start separating the characters voices more distinctly.

**Hermione-**

Hermione sighed contentedly, her quick shower having refreshed her thoroughly. Pulling on a pair of jeans and an oxford, she headed to the potions classroom.

Her still wet hair felt like ice in the cold of the dungeons. 'Damn me! I knew I shouldn't have taken that shower' She scowled and performed a warming spell on her hair.

Though it did little to warm her head, it made the cold a little more bearable. Knocking on the classroom door, she heard an annoyed voice reply.

"Come in Miss. Granger." Shouted Snape, his voice sounding muffled through the thick wood of the door. Smoothing her shirt in an unsuccessful attempt to relieve it of the cat hair Crookshanks had left on it, she stepped inside.

Snape was staring at her intently. She started slightly. He motioned to the chair in front of his desk. Hermione sat quickly, not wanting to anger him by dawdling.

"So Miss. Granger, it appears we must plan the Halloween Fair _together._" said Snape as though that last word was painful to speak. "Yes, Sir." said Hermione obediently.

"Well you best come with me, then." He said, getting up from his chair and sweeping off in the direction of the classroom door. 'He doesn't even look to see if I'm following him. How rude.' Hermione thought with disapproval.

She scurried off to catch up with him, but his head start and longer legs made this nearly impossible. Snape, now approximately 200 feet ahead of her, sighed theatrically and stopped, waiting for her to catch up.

Jogging and out of breathe, Hermione reached him, clutching a stitch at her side. Snape rolled his eyes at her pathetic display. "Perhaps if you ran more often, you wouldn't be so out of breath." said Snape sardonically.

Hermione's eyes filled with hurt. 'He thinks I'm fat!' her inner voice wailed, most pitifully. Snape, seemingly realizing what he had insinuated, tried to rectify the situation.

"I didn't mean I thought you were over-weight! I just meant if you exercised more you wouldn't be so weak!" said Snape desperately, knowing how sensitive woman were about their weight.

This only made matters worse. 'Oh, he thinks I'm weak now does he?' thought Hermione, resisting the urge to castrate the potions master with her bare hands.

**Severus- **

Severus knew he shouldn't have made the 'weak' comment, but he had had no idea how to fix the situation. 'Flattery is the only way out of this!' Severus' mind screamed at him.

"I'm sorry! That came out wrong! What I meant to say is that you are a strong, beautiful, _thin _young woman." Cried Severus, stressing 'thin'. Granger's cheeks grew hot, and she smiled, obviously embarrassed.

'Oh God! I shouldn't have said that! Now she'll think I'm going soft!..Oh God! Am I?' What with the war over, and his name being cleared, Severus' daily stress-intake had gone down dramatically, making him more congenial. Well…as congenial as he'll ever get. Perhaps he _was_ going soft, or he just unexplainable soft spot for Granger. She _was_ quite sweet with her thirst for knowledge and know-it-all-ness. She reminded him of himself at her age. And her bushy hair was kind of endearing. Severus had been lying when he said she was thin. She wasn't fat, but healthy, with full cheeks, and a few lone pounds of baby fat. She was now scuffing her shoe against the ground uncomfortably, and Severus chastised himself for having such thoughts about a pupil. "Umm…Shall we get going?" asked Severus, trying to draw attention away from his slip-up. "Um, sure!" replied Granger, seeming glad that he made the situation less awkward. After a small silence they began walking again, this time Severus walking at Hermione's pace. They walked out of the dungeons, through the entrance hall, and down to the tapestry directly across from the room of requirement. Hermione looked up at him with shock. "What? I practically own the school, you don't think I wouldn't know it it's every nook and cranny?" asked Severus caustically. "No, Sir." "Good" He then proceeded to walk back and forth, three times in front of the bare patch of wall, till it formed a door. He opened the door for her, and motioned for her to enter. "Ever the gentleman." Mumbled Hermione sarcastically. Severus decided to ignore her. She walked in with him following. The room had formed to what looked like a large den, with two couches, a coffee table in between them, and a fireplace. Upon closer inspection the coffee table had a blank notebook, colored pencils, a plate of sandwiches, a pot of coffee and two cups on it. Sitting down on one couch, Severus motioned her over to the one opposite from him.

She sat, looking around nervously. "Oh, don't be such a child." Severus scolded, annoyed. After pouring himself a cup of coffee, he gestured to her cup.

She shook her head. He began speaking, "Well as far as this mindless spectacle Albus insists we plan, goes, I have a few demands. Number one- absolutely NO Karaoke. Number Two- NO Ball. There, those are my demands." Said Severus snootily.

"Well I think there _should_ be karaoke, and all staff are required to wear costumes." Hermione quipped.

"Absolutely NOT!" he cried.

Hermione glared at him. He glared right back. "Fine we'll compromise," Began Hermione diplomatically, "no karaoke, but all staff are required to wear costumes."

Severus glared. "Fine, I'll do it. But I'm not dressing up in anything stupid."

Hermione smirked at her victory. "Oh stop your smirking, it doesn't suit you." Severus cried.

"Oh, and it suits you?" countered Hermione.

Severus glared harder. This was going to be a long night.


	5. Cigarettes and Drucken Professors

**To all of my reviewers who liked my story- Thank you!This chapter, I will admit, is not some of my best work. It's mostly Severus with a little dash of Hermione. I just thought I needed to build his charecter a little more.It's kind of dark and has alot of swearing. Anyhoo, enjoy!**

**Hermione: **Hermione sank into her bed, groaning as her back creaked. That had **not** been fun.

She pulled her shoes off her aching feet, sighing as the cool air brushed past her toes, evaporating the sweat. Snape had done everything in his power to make the Halloween Fair boring, and adult-friendly. But Hermione had been determined-her school wascounting on her!

At least they had agreed on a few things.

No ball, no karaoke. Hermione pouted. Singing was one of the few things she could do well, and he ruined it. However there would be a pumpkin carving contest, a costume contest , and a haunted house.

Hermione wasn't too bummed about the ball; there would probably be a party in the Gryffindor common room anyway.

'The only reason he wants to have a Haunted House is so he'll have an excuse to scare the first years' she thought tiredly. Oh, well. She would deal with this tomorrow, and with that she fell asleep. Only to dream of a man with long, black hair and pale, translusent skin.

**Severus-** Damn that Granger girl! Damn her to the fiery pits of Hell! He did not **want** to wear a costume.

Severus, contrary to popular belief, was not a vampire and did not like Halloween. He could still remember his repressed childhood memories of being forced into a sailor costume at the tender age of five by his mother, and having to go to the mother-son balls where the other boys would pull his hair and call him stupid-head.

Severus shuddered. "I need a stiff drink." he thought aloud.

Walking over to his liquor cabinet he found every single bottle was empty. Severus groaned. "Oh well. I'll make do with a fag."

Reaching over to his pocket, he found his carton of cigarettes empty. "Ugh!" grabbing his coat angrily, he headed to Hogsmeade.

He opened the liquor store's door, bringing with him a gust of rain and wind. "Who goes there?" demanded a croaky voice. Severus lowered his hood. "Ah, Severus. The usual?" Severus nodded curtly. The old man with hardly any teeth reached behind the counter and produced two packets of cigarettes. "You do know those things are horrible for you." stated the shopkeeper.

"Doesn't really matter. I could be dead tomorrow, anyhow." said Severus lifelessly, handing the man his money. "Ha! Good man, that's what I like to hear. If people started thinkn' 'bout their health, I'd be out of business in no time." Severus left, not caring to take the change. "Keep it." he stated before leaving the store.

Brushing past the shady characters of Hogsmeade, he came to a bar with dirty windows and a sign reading "The Hogs Head".

He would have preferred going to The Two Broomsticks but seeing as how it was not open at 3:20 am, he didn't really have much choice. Walking to the counter he noticed a gigantic figure in the very back booth. Shit. "Ay! It's Severus!"

"Hello Hagrid." said Severus sighing.

"Hey, Severus come sit with us!" Wait, that was a female voice.

"McGonnagal! What in Gods name are you doing here at this hour!"

"I could ask you the same Goddamn thing. Now get your grouchy ass over here!"

"Are you drunk Minnerva? You only swear when you're intoxicated."

"I'm so wasted, man!" cried another squeakier voice.

"Flitwick!"

"What are you doing here! You should all be asleep!" Flitwick imitated him, trying and failing to make his voice a baritone. Mcgonnagal giggled foolishly while Hagrid shook the building with his laughter.

"Oh come on Severus, have a little fun. Come on and take the drink." Minnerva offered him a straight scotch.

Severus sat down, feeling that uncomfortable feeling you can only get when you're the only sober person in a room full of drunkards. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette, and lit it with a pocket lighter.

"You're still smoking that shit! I thought you quit!" McGonnagal chastised.

Severus blew the smoke in her direction. "I've tried to quit. But it's just too damn hard."

"But it's horrible for you! What would your mother think?"

"My mother doesn't know, and I would like it to stay that way."

"Well what about your father?"

"He probably wouldn't care." said Severus indifferently, taking another drag.

Severus sipped his drink, relishing in the warmth that spread through his cold body. "So how's that planning going?" piped up Flitwick.

"What? You mean the Fair?" questioned Severus. Flitwick nodded.

"Well, as fine as it can go. The Granger girl is quite a bother thought I suspect it could've been worse."

"Hey don't you bad mouth my Hermione!"

"Sorry." said Severus, distractedly.

"So what are you three doing down here anyway?"

"Oh…Well, first Hagrid said we should…uh…I don't remember." McGonnagal slurred. Severus sighed.

"Well we best all go back."

"I don't wanna!" cried Flitwick, childishly. "Well, you're going to." Severus said, standing up, "Come on now."

Minnerva stood quickly and walked a few steps before collapsing.

"How much did you have to drink?" asked Severus wearily.

McGonnagal giggled like a girl forty years younger than herself.

Severus groaned, and bent down, picking up the frail woman.

He threw her over one shoulder and began walking to the door, with Hagrid and Flitwick, staggering behind.

Once he had put all of them to bed, Severus climbed in to his own four-poster, sighing contentedly. He slowly felt himself drift off, only to dream of a girl with bushy-brown hair, and a know-it-all attitude.

**A/N- I know. It's very short. I couldn't help it, it's testing time and I've spent most of my free days studying.**


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